I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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