If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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