you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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