I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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