just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
only if we run a train.
done.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
