My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
