Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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