you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize