I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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