I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
