someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
