Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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