tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
