Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You are a genius and a whore.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
