Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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