Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
