things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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