Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
