the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
