I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
