I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
