just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't deserve a penis
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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