I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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