How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
