Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize