I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
