At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
