I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
