nut hugger
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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