Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
