GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize