how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
