let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
