It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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