she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
