God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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