They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
