I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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