i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
