im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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