did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
