OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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