we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
