Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
