I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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