You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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