This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The air was thick with penises
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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