My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
