The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
