About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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