Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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