Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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