im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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