fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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