If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
