oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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