I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We just shotgunned beers for America
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
