Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
