making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
