After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
