I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
