I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
