I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
