What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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