There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
