remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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