youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
