Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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