Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
