What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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