Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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