hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
