Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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