The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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