dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
