hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
