its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
