my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
