I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
