I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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