Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
