God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
