Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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