Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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