Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
