and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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