THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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