Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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