I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
