ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
