He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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