I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
