You really coming over, don't trick.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize