Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As shirtless as possible
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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