look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
