So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
