It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
