Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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