How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
