Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
