you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
