So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
