well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
