Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm just crazy horny about you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Someone came in the potted fern
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize