I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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