Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
