i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
